You Are All Blind

By

Alejandro Patagonia

Fifteen hundred different species of animals practice homosexuality. Do wild animals attack each other on account of their sexual orientation? “No evidence has been found to prove that. BUT—” you respond, before I cut you off and continue explaining my case. Why then, as a civilized and mentally competent species, do we? Because I say that we are more uncivilized then wild animals! Of course we are, for we can despise our own kind. “Queers aren’t like us—” you begin to say. To you, I glare and say, “Let me finish,” (again).

Do we not all possess eyes, organs, blood, and feelings? I would quote Shylock’s courtroom speech from The Merchant of Venice to prove my point, but if you don’t understand that humans are humans no matter their orientation, I highly doubt that you will be able to understand a Shakespearean quotation without my help, which I am unwilling at the present moment to provide.

Now, let’s look at wolves. Wolves compete for necessities (e.g. food and water), ergo they are like us in some respects. All of the wolves in a pack, however, are like a family; working together and attacking other families. Do human communities attack other communities? Why yes! We do. Moreover, we aren’t even done attacking members of our own communities yet. We must surpass the differences in our own community before we can even try to effectively reduce violence in between our community and other communities.

Speaking of wolves, doesn’t your heart just flutter with joy every time you think about Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight series? Hooray! Edward Cullen and Bella are so cute together… typical, since Stephanie Meyer pours 10% of her total earnings from the Twilight soap operas—- oh, excuse me, sagas-— into the Mormon Church, which just so happens to be a major funder of Proposition 8. “Who cares if one-tenth of humans are not able marry? At least we can have our Edward and Jacob debate like not-so-classy middle school girls!” you shout defensively. I’m glad you are being defensive, since clearly you are in the wrong, but perhaps you should work on your arguments.

And speaking of religion… religion! Let us ponder rather quickly about religion. You do believe that God creates all humans, yes? Why then, he created homosexuals! For you who say homosexuality is a sin: congratulations on your stupidity, but God cannot cheat his own system. If he were as supreme as you believe he is, would he sin? Would he be capable of hating his own creations? No. Therefore, please refrain from trekking down the muddy pathways of the past, and think your own thoughts! “Homosexuality is a choice, though,” you begin to argue relentlessly, resorting to more and more nonsensical claims as you grow more and more desperate. Are you joking? Let us together wonder: who on this Earth would choose to be homosexual? Who would choose to be hated profusely by blind fools clawing at anything they can sink their nails into, still bitter from the stinging in their eyes? Would you? — Oh no, of course not… you still hate them, don’t you?

Plot twist: God created Adam and Adam in the Garden of Eden. And now you don’t morally belong with your husbands and wives… oh, what a shame! You finally feel like homosexuals for a few seconds… that is, before you remember that this is just a horrible shuddering thought. (I say a few seconds and not instantly because, since you still hate homosexuals, I can only assume that you are not gifted or speedy in the brain department and that it will take you a few seconds to remember this is not reality.) You still love your spouse, do you not? Well, that’s unfortunate, because you aren’t allowed to marry them again. More accurately, you aren’t allowed to marry your spouse until you throw the curtains open in each ignorant room and watch as the ability to see returns to your ignorant kind.

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Alejandro Patagonia is the pen name of a teenage satirical writer/activist who achieves a great sense of joy in pointing out the obvious folly in human nature. He hopes you read his writing with no distractions.